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Eldest Daughter: a Break-up Story

$13.00

by Megan Cannella

Eldest Daughter is a deeply personal hybrid chapbook of poetry and creative nonfiction. Grief and love exist in a sometimes surreal space between mother and daughter, exploring the absence and mourning of those left behind, the space that can grow between them, and how letting go is sometimes not only okay—it’s necessary. (Porkbelly Press 2023)

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EXCERPT

Eldest Daughter and Widow: Part 3 

Every time they went on vacation, the episode of Gilmore Girls where Lorelai and Emily go on a spa weekend and struggle to know each other ends up coming on. Lorelai and Emily end up stealing robes from the spa—to prove they are related or something.

Eldest Daughter and Widow always watched the episode in silence.

Widow once asked why this aired every time they went on vacation. The next day, as they were leaving their room to check out, Eldest Daughter told Widow to steal the “do not disturb” door tag from their room. This is how they could be sure they are mother and daughter. This is how they’d prove it to themselves. Compliant child that she is, Widow shoved the hang tag into her bag.

They stole “do not disturb” tags for a long time after that. Every door knob in Widow’s house eventually had a torn up hang tag from some forgettable discount hotel.

Last month, Eldest Daughter took Widow on a cross country roadtrip. If they were driving, they couldn’t be watching Gilmore Girls. Eldest Daughter drove the whole way—all three days and all 1,928 miles—more when you factor in all the pee breaks Widow requires and the fact that she always needs to stop for a “real, sit-down lunch.” They couldn’t eat in the car because what if Eldest Daughter had to brake suddenly and Widow choked?

What if.

A few miles from Nebraska’s exit 272, Eldest Daughter started laughing and couldn’t stop.

She laughed all the way off the interstate and through the two traffic lights that separated their hotel from exit 272. Reports suggest that it is unclear why Eldest Daughter started laughing, only clear that she couldn’t stop. The whole time, a startled Widow kept saying, I can’t look at you. I don’t want to make it worse. Eldest Daughter laughed harder.

Later, when asked about the laughing jag, Eldest Daughter mentioned some article she read about trauma responses. When asked to elaborate, Eldest Daughter said the trip was mostly good. There were only two breakdowns, one each: “We’ve been working on handling big feelings and sharing lately, so, ya know, progress.”

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Megan Cannella (she/they) is a Midwestern transplant currently living in Nevada. Her debut chapbook, Confrontational Crotch and Other Real Housewives Musings, is out now and available at https://linktr.ee/mcannella. You can find Megan on Twitter at @megancannella.

NOTES

Work in this chapbook also appeared in Tír na nÓg, and corporeal.

OTHER BOOKS

Confrontational Crotch
I Redact You, Too